Sunday, 30 October 2011

  • Dark Blue

    I can't count on anyone. I really am utterly and completely alone. All I want is for someone to understand what I'm going through. Something is wrong with me and I'm not okay. I'm really not okay.

     

    Unrelated: who potty trains a cat? I'm sorry, but I don't want a cat using the same toilet I do.

  • Que Sera, Sera

    I'm so alone. I don't know what to do. I can feel it coming back and I'm so scared but slowly I'm slipping under, deep down into the dark depths. I don't want to be there again. Oh no.

    I'm afraid. And all I want is someone to be with me but I can't count on anyone. Life Lesson #1? Learned.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

  • Syke! Life is Awesome!

    I can't fucking trust anyone. I've learned my lesson. Never again.

    On another note, which is completely unrelated, I'm starting to be afraid that I won't find someone who will love and accept me the way James did. (Or I thought he did) We broke up, by the way. Not my decision.
    I hate feelings and shit. I just hate it. And I hate how I see myself, I hate how I'm so afraid, I hate how I'm not cool enough. If I want to change, I know, just do it! Put forth some effort! Ugh.
    Maybe my happy medicine's not working anymore. >_>

    There's someone whom I've known for a while that I find very, very interesting....who definitely does not feel the same back. It sucks. I made the mistake of letting him know and the outcome was not pleasant. I really enjoyed talking to him, and I really wish I had more chances to see him. He's in Maryville, along with half of my family and all of my old friends. I miss them so much. I hate Valdosta. I'm ready to leave.

    December, 2012 baby. I'm outta here and off to Vegas. Me and my sister, we're gonna do it. We're determined to. Fuck anyone who says we can't. <3 my sister with my whole heart. She's my best friend.

    Off to Adventureland. Or Wonderland. Oh what it would be like to be Alice.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Thursday, 15 April 2010

  • But for now we'll carry on

    Life is wonderful! For once! I'm so happy. :)
    My mom WANTS me to move out. Sorta. But it makes me feel better about looking at places every once in a while.

    I changed my major to Mass Media with an emphasis in audio. I wanna produce music - Bands, albums, etc. Hopefully I can get into 'the biz'. Haha.

    James and I are doing well. Very well.
    Nothing else is going on. New job at Hallmark, I'm happy, I might be moving out soon. :) All is well.

Monday, 09 November 2009

Sunday, 05 July 2009

  • The Impression that I Get

    My mom is in the hospital. I quit work yesterday and am leaving today to go back down to Valdosta. She needs me there. I'm scared. Like, really scared this time. I can't tell her that, but the truth is that every time she goes in I'm afraid that she won't come back out. x_x
    I don't know what I'm going to do about money. And really, I don't care. I want a fun job, though, one that I like and that I have friends at and one where I don't work really odd hours.
    I want to see James and have him spend the night with me; I have a queen sized bed in my room now and I'm super excited about that.
    I want to move out.
    I want, I want, I want.

    I just want to enjoy myself. Friday night was the only night that I've actually had a lot of fun this whole summer. Cassie, Josh, Caleb and Cory came over and we played games and then lit fireworks. Cassie and Josh left and then Caleb, Cory and I went to IHOP. Andrew met us there and we talked and stuff. It was nice. I like laughing; I don't do it enough. And I don't mean those laughs that you don't really mean. I'm talking about that stuff that makes you belly laugh, the loud, make-everyone-in-the-room-look kind of laughs. Those are the best.

    Currently
    Beach Boys - 20 Good Vibrations, The Greatest Hits (Volume 1)
    By The Beach Boys
    Good Vibrations
    see related

Friday, 03 July 2009

  • I'll be happy for your life...

     ..even if I hate it all.

    Me and James are dating again. Have been for a while.
    But, is it wrong to be very, very attracted to someone who lives in Europe whom I don't know if I could really trust yet makes me laugh and I have fun talking to him?
    God, I don't get like this...and it sucks. I mean, I'm loyal to James and all, it's just...Gosh. Other boy is so good looking, I am sooo physically attracted to him, and I've known him longer than James;; we went to school together in TN. I almost feel guilty for thinking the thinks that I think about this boy. x___x
    BUT - he's in Germany. And in the Air Force. And I haven't talked to him for a very long time, and I also think that he doesn't want to talk to me 'cause I told him that I didn't think me and James were gonna get back together and then me and boy were talking (like, talking-talking) and then I didn't talk to him for a while and then Me and James got back together and- AH! It's so complicated.

    Today James told me that if I got a place in our town, and if he had a job, then he would try to move in with me. I'm all for getting my own place. I want to do it ASAP. I like living with my mom, but I want my own space. I'm ready for it. Ready to finally grow up, blah blah blah. Anyway, what he told me had me all fluttery. It's nerve-wracking, really. He also wants me to go to bed tonight and come and get him tomorrow just to go back to GA next friday. I don't know what to do, and don't think that I'll go get him. :/ He just wants out of his house and some alone time with me. I think we'll work it out;; we have to.

    I'm excited for the rest of this summer. The beginning has sucked balls.

Sunday, 17 May 2009

  • I'm so Cadillac

    I'm leaving the University of Georgia.

    That's my news for now. I even put the font in 'impact' for impact.
    I'm trying to get happy. It's getting hard to do so. I'm bored. And feel...blah most of the time. It sucks, and I feel bad.
    I keep waiting. I'm waiting for the fun to start, to have the summer that I want. I'm worried that that has passed. I wish James was up here with me. I miss him. A lot. It sucks. I want to be dating again, I want to see him everyday and to go out on dates when I'm not working.
    He's currently on this tour thing to see BTMI! six times at six different concerts. Him and Zach are traveling all around Florida. I would fucking kill to be with them. It sounds like so much fun, and something I would enjoy.
    I think I'm goign to go with them (him and his family, I mean) to Idaho again this summer. It was soo much fun. I just...I really would like for us to be dating if I do.

    I got my nose pierced about a month ago. It's my pride and joy. (although I've had to change it a lot too early cause of work and now it's infected. Damn it.)

      
    Yay for piercings! (I still want two more tattoos. ^_^ )

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